Birds & Bees with Susie B.

This is an excerpt from my friend Susie B's 2007 "family letter".

Some background:  Susie and her husband are the parents of 4 very active children.  Like many of my friends, they just don't have time to send out holiday cards and the ubiquitous Year in Review Letter.

Unlike many of friends, they will, on occasion, send out a "family letter" randomly during the year.  I think the last one was two years ago?

Anyway, Susie and her husband are the proud parents of ten year old twin boys, Wiley and Liam.  This is an excerpt from this year's family letter (reproduced w/permission and many thanks!):


Recently, our ten year old twins, Wiley and Liam had been asking repeatedly about the facts of life, only to be put off until “later”.  Finally, they cornered Susie in her office.  They closed the door, sat in front of it, and told Susie she couldn’t leave until she explained. 

Susie took a deep breath and began.  The ensuing description was accurate, if somewhat diluted.  At one point, Liam held out his hand and said “Whoa, I’m not sure I want to know about this.”  Susie, unsure whether she would have the strength to broach the subject again later, continued, while assuring him that the information would eventually be important to him.

When she finished, the boys sat silent, mouths gaping with revulsion.  Wiley said “That sounds horrible.  I really want to be a father when I grow up.  Isn’t there any other way?”  Liam looked at Susie aghast, and asked “You didn’t do that, did you?  Did Daddy also do this?  I’m really sorry I asked, I expected something else.”

Something for all of my friends with younger children to look forward to!


I thought this was pretty amusing, too:

Their respective responses to the fertilization process also reflected their personalities.  Wiley bemoaned the plight of millions of sperm dying in the dark, never reaching their goal.  Some chose the wrong path; others were close only to lose in the end.

Liam, on the other hand, swelled up and chanted “Oh yeah, I got the egg!  You only wish you got the egg!”

Brought to you by Susieworks, All Rights Reserved, Copyright 2006